So many people think that all of their happiness waits for them if they could only get thin enough. If they got thin enough all of their dreams would come true. Can you understand where this fairy tale comes from? Just look at all of the media around you to see the message that you need thinness in order to get everything from love to success to happiness. But is it true?
Once, a young woman told me that she decided to test out this idea of whether thinner people get all the good stuff in life. So, she went to her local fashion mall to do a little research. She spent the day observing people, and she tried to see whether the thin people looked happier than anyone else. Her conclusion was that she saw people of all sizes look happy, unhappy, lonely, loved, having fun, being miserable. At the end of the day, she saw no correlation between thinness and happiness. This helped her make up her mind to stop worrying about how thin she was and start living her life.
Wouldn’t that be awesome to not always be postponing and waiting to love and enjoy life until you reach a certain weight? And how do you determine what weight you should be anyway? When I speak with people who believe they have to be a certain weight in order to be happy, I always find it interesting to ask them, “Where did you come up with that number?” Because selecting what weight you should be is actually an arbitrary decision. By arbitrary, I mean, you can just pick anything. There is no actual way to know what weight you should be to be happy or healthy. Did your doctor tell you what weight you should be? Was it your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend? Is it the weight you used to be after you lost weight that one time? Is it the size that will get you into that pair of jeans that are supposedly so great? Who knows how the hell you picked the number, but it’s time to ditch it. Because there is no reason to believe that you will be happy just because you lose weight! And there is no reason to put your happiness on hold waiting for that number to arrive! It’s like waiting and waiting at an abandoned train station for the train to arrive! You are trapped there putting all of this energy and effort into losing weight, while your body is constantly fighting you all the while! The train isn’t coming! And if it is coming, you are waiting at the wrong station. Go to a train station that’s not abandoned, one that’s full of life, and get on lots of trains and go lots of fun places with lots of cool people. It’s called living life, and it’s a real adventure. Or maybe it’s easier to just wait around for weight loss. I guess it’s safer than taking all of those chances with all of those people and places.
In the movie, Parenthood, one of the characters portrays a wise old woman who intervenes when her grandchildren are in a fight. “When your grandpa was alive we liked to go to the amusement park. Your Grandpa took me on a roller coaster. It was thrilling, exciting, sickening, all at the same time. I loved it. Some didn’t like it. They went on the merry-go-round. Well, it just goes around. There’s nothing there. I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it.”
So, let’s stop waiting for happiness to arrive the moment we lose weight (HINT: IT DOESN”T!) and stop letting it put all of our dreams and plans on hold until we reach a certain weight. Let’s disconnect the idea we learned in our culture that happiness, health and success are all dependent on a certain weight goal. The most beautiful thing about these limiting values that we learn is that we can UNLEARN THEM. Work toward making the choice to love and accept yourself for who you are, and to love and accept all others, too.
I’d really like to recommend the book, And Then I’ll Be Happy, by Author, Kristen Houghton for anyone who really related to the blog post for today. Kristen believes that too many of us won’t let ourselves be happy until we reach certain weight goals. She encourages us to enjoy life today!
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